Faculty Room

HOLD UP, people. Don’t curse me, yet. I love the teaching profession but I really am not sure if it loves me or likes me. There is something in me that says “You are an idiot. You’d be a great teacher.” And then there’s this part in me that says “What teacher? You have the whole world infront of you… explore!” And so I go on asking myself, “What do I really want?”

Earlier in school today, the school where I am an intern, I came so close to saying goodbye teaching, hello some other profession! Just the other day, I blogged about my experience about my favorite class and now, I am blogging yet again, about my second favorite class.

The class used to be a really sweet class. I love it they are heterogeneous. Some kids are so smart, some kids are slow learners and some kids are just average. They used to be a really interesting class to teach.

One time, a teacher from another class and another year level heard them shouting. Imagine when public school kids are left in their room with no teacher in sight… yes. You imagined it right! They will always do something nasty. That is how they have fun. Too bad for them, the teacher was having a bad mood. The teacher went up to them, had them all stand up for a long time, then had them walk on the school campus saying “Wag niyo kaming tularan, maingay kami” while he was hittting them with a really huge stick. The kids even told me, “Ang sakit nga ma’am eh. Kahit san kami tamaan.” Do not laugh, it really happened.

And I was deeply hurt when I saw their tiny hands and necks and arms with red marks on it. I almost got mad at the teacher for doing that to them. How dare him!

All these happened while I was away. I was thinking that maybe, if I was there, I could’ve done something. Napatigil ko man lang sana. Too bad. Too bad.

But these past few days, they’ve been insanely uncontrollable. They’ve been really disrespectful that some of the student interns are saying they don’t want to teach them anymore. I felt b ad because they used to be one of my favorites and they changed so much in just a short span of time.

I felt bad really.

And again, I almost shed tears.

So instead of staying there and hearing them shout so loud and not listen to me, I just walked out of the room. I don’t want them to see me teary-eyed. That’s the problem with me. I can not control my tears when I am hurt or when I am in pain. Especially with my students because I love them. Guys can dump me and I won’t shed a tear. But when my students are in pain, or whenever they are involved, I melt like ice cream under the scorching heat of the sun.

When I reached the faculty room, I pretended that nothing was wrong. I don’t want the kids to be sent to the guidance office so I didn’t tell anything to my critique teachers.

After about two minutes, half of the class was inside the faculty room saying sorry. Good thing no one was there. Good thing, really. I don’t want to be asked questions. And I don’t wanna explain about how I was feeling that time.

So there they were, but I really don’t want to talk yet. Aside from that, I still have a one hour class to attend to. So instead of saying okay. I just said, “I have a class” and walked out of the faculty room.

I was feeling better after one hour.

When I was about to log out, I saw a fellow student intern. She’s the one handling the said section. Our conversation went like this…

Cris: Ano nangyari?
Me: *shaking my head from left to right*
C: Napagalit ka daw nila
Me: Oo
C: Sabi nga nila.
Me: Ganun talaga eh.
C: Okay ka lang.
Me: *crying* kasi naman, parang wala ako nagawa. Parang hindi ko man lang sila masaway.
C: Ganun lang yung mga yun.
C: Pero gusto ka nung mga yun.
C: Sabi nga sa kin ni Danielle eh, buti pa daw ikaw naiintindihan niya magturo. Si Ma’am _ _ daw hindi.
Me: *still crying* eh bakit ganun?
Me: Hindi ko sila masaway?
C: Ganun din naman sila sa ‘kin. Hindi ko na lang pinapansin.
C: Wag mo susukuan ha.
C: Sabi kasi nila ayaw nila bumalik kay Ma’am _ _
Me: Eh, ayoko din naman sila ibalik. Kaso, pag sobra na.
Me: Kasi, ang gara talaga eh.
C: Basta, kasi kanina… pag pasok ko ng room, sabi agad nila sa kin…
C: “Ma’am, napagalit po yata namin si Ma’am Mia”
C: Tapos sabi ni Jayvee,
C: “Ma’am, ako dati gustong gusto ko talaga nagpapaiyak ng teacher. Pero kanina nung nakita ko si Ma’am Mia, parang gusto ko sumunod eh. Parang gusyo ko mag-sorry.”
Me: *shocked and touched*
C: Pasensya ka na lang.
C: Pinagsabihan ko na naman eh.
C: Sabi nila, mabait ka nga daw.
C: Sabi ko tuloy, “pag mabait ang ST, inaabuso niyo naman”
C: “Pag magaling, inaabuso niyo din. Saan naman lulugar sa inyo?”
Me: Ganun siguro talaga eh.
Me: Bahala na.
Me: Buti na lang, wala tayo dito bukas.
C: Oo, basta. Pahinga ka muna.

AND

That ended there.

With that conversation and after hearing what the kids have to say…

I might just reconsider.

But then I had to go interning. So I was sort of thinking of the right name my students should call me. I was thinking that maybe, Ma’am Mheems sounds too cool. They might think I am just some fat ass teenager teacher wannabe (which by the way I am not… because fat ass-YES, I am, teenager teacher wannabe-NO, I am not!). And then my two critique teachers introduced me as Ma’am Mia since they call me Mia. That was how it all began.

Since that day, my students would pass by me and say “Hi, ma’am Mia!” and I’d be like “Hi!” which is said with matching smile on my face. And it’s too damn awkward. Yes, I smile a lot but no, I don’t always say “Hi!”. Mothertrucker!

And then I got used to it. It actually felt great. Especially when the ones greeting me are my favorites. Sorry, I broke the golden rule to never have favorites in class. So sorry. But this is reality. :p (Which means that when your teachers tell you they don’t have favorites, they are seriously lying. Right in your face!)

Anyway, I have a lot of favorites. At most three in each section. They’re not exactly the smartest or the most active (especially not the hyperactive ones, haloo!) or the prettiest girls and guys. Most of them are just plain Janes and Dudes. You could actually say there’s nothing special about them. But I like them, because… i don’t know. Isn’t that crazy?

Hola, Ma’am Mia. You’re crazy.

Well, moving on. I learned that having favorites can pretty much cause you so much pain. And it freakin’ seriously hurts. Like OUCH!

My favorite section among the nine sections seriously hurt me. And though I don’t want to talk about it anymore, I just can’t help it. Yesterday, I talked to them as a class and I ALMOST cried. ALMOST meaning nothing flowed. Take note of that. I talked to them and told them that they need some manner revamp. Like EXTREME make-over. Some of them almost cried, too. Which surprised me because I wasn’t expecting that. I was touched but decided not to show. Instead, I made the face that most of them fear. The “I-now-declare-marshall-law” face which means in tagalog “galit galit na tayo, bahala na kayo” rule. I was determined to make them feel my anger and I was determined to let them know I was mad.

Wrong move.

Earlier this day, some of them talked to me with an even sweeter tone and their more awesome puppy eyes. Dammmmiiiiit! The soft hearted teacher me was insanely moved. Ano beh? Nakakaasar ha!

Holy teacher! Hindi talaga ko marunong magalit!